hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
