Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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