I love black thongs
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
