I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
