I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
