If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
