Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
