Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You can't just leave with hair like that
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
