sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
