There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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