Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
