Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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