Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
