We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
