We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
