So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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