I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
