I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
