If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
