Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
