Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
