bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You are the jesus of drinking
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
