Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
