butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
