I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
