I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
