I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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