I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
