Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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