Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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