I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
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