does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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