i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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