why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
