He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
