The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
