The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
