oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
