he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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