i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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