Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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