Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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