member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
