woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you didnt know i had herpes?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
