Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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