Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
