What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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