Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have feelings that need drinking.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
