My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We need to rekindle our bromance
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
