Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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