Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Randomize
