I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
