I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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