addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
