He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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